WOE-DERFUL

I shifted my bodyweight, it was my last attempt at any sense of comfort in this cheap motel bed.

“Maybe, next time we could try a nice hotel; perhaps downtown. What do you think, Sheldon? “ I asked slightly yelling so he could hear me over the running water.

Silence.

I knew he had heard every word but this was typical Sheldon. He was a man who hated change and spontaneity to him was super sizing his meal at McDonalds. His wife was either completely oblivious or just chose to ignore his philandering ways. Sheldon had been bringing me to this same motel for the past year and even I knew his routine like clockwork.

“Sheldon!” I yelled. I wasn’t in the mood to be ignored.
“What is it Elisha? You know I have to pick up my wife from the airport tonight.”

His wife. I hated that word. I hated her. He had told me that he was unhappy and he had never clicked so much with anyone the way that he did with me. This was over a year ago yet he was still married and I was still being treated like the mistress.

“I want you to divorce her, Sheldon. It’s been almost a year and a half and you still wake up and fall asleep with her. I am beginning to think that you have been lying to me.” I said as I removed the cigarette scented comforter.

“Here we go again. Elisha---”
“Sheldon! I love you. She doesn’t make you happy. Why don’t you just file for a divorce like you were going to do when we first met? I know that we are soul mates. I know you feel it too.”

I hadn’t realized I was crying. Not only was I crying, I was shaking. Sheldon had never seen me this way before and I couldn’t control it. When I was with him I was so elated. Sure, I was 25 years old and he was 42, but love does not discriminate. Sheldon walked from the bathroom fastening his shirt. He sat down next to me on the bed and smoothed out my hair. He breathed deep and kissed my hand. “I love you too. It’s not that simple Elisha. Life is more complex than what you think. You’re young; live a little longer and you will see. I have to go. I will call you in a few days. Get some rest.” Sheldon grabbed his keys from the coffee table and walked out the door.

Week after week, this had become our routine. I scanned the ill decorated motel and softly began to weep. When I first started seeing Sheldon, my best friend disapproved and told me that I would never find happiness with him. She predicted that it would never go anywhere beyond the bedroom. I had told her she was wrong and he would leave his wife.

Not my best friend, his wife, nor his children would stand in the way of that.

This was wonderful.

DISCLAIMER: I do not support nor do I condone extramarital affairs. This is a fictional story with fictional characters.

LOVE'S ABYSS inspired by Grizzly Bear cover of "He Hit Me (And It Felt Like A Kiss)"

I took one last drag of the cigarette before throwing it down. It was as if time was moving in slow motion as it hit the floor. I watched as the flame flickered lightly; it looked good on the avant garde autumn brown rug. For a second I contemplated the entire room being consumed in a red and orange fiery. He always said he admired art and such that could be felt. What's realer than the wonderful aroma of a penthouse in ashes? I stomped out the cigarette and walked to the bathroom. My face throbbed, my back ache, and my legs were feeble. My father always told my mother that love without anarchy is a love without passion and real love embodied passion. As I examined my face and watched the blood drip from my lip, I thought to myself "At least it's only a minor cut ". Once I had to wear shades for a week, countless concealer, and loads of foundation. I washed my face and slid on the lavendar dress that had been sitting on the bed. I pulled my hair back and covered my lips in Bobbi Brown Burnt Red lipstick, this was the only shade that didn't make me look like a hooker; that's what he would say. Most women dated men who could care less about their make-up so I considered myself lucky; he took interest in nearly every facet of who I was.

As he entered the apartment, I could feel the cold air from outside. He stood there, sullen.

"You look pretty", he said flatly. I nodded and began to fasten my shoes.

"I'm sorry... sometimes my passion for you gets the best of me." He grabbed my hand and pulled me up.

I breathed deeply and succumbed to his arms. Dad was right---I touched my lip and smiled.

PT. II

I watched her as she packed her bags, gathered her belongings, and removed every tangible item that represented our times together. She looked at me disgruntled and hurt. "Are you sure this is what you want?" she asked coyly.

"I've never been more sure about anything." I said boldly as I opened the door.

She looked me up and down before rolling her eyes. "I will wait for your call. As a matter of fact, I am beginning to get tired of moving in and out. I can give you your space if that is what you need, just let me leave a few of my things here."

I sighed. She was right. We always said goodbye and hello again. I always eventually let her come back. Each time I told myself this time it would be different and it never was. I rolled her suggestion over in my mind for a moment...then I saw her eyes.

She was skilled at deception, rebellion, lust, lies, and anarchy.

"No, you know what, I want you to leave. This isn't easy for me, I admit that, but all I can do is take it one moment at a time. Now, please, GO."

At that moment she walked towards the door defeated and powerless; and at that moment I said goodbye to my former self.

The Beckoning

"And I Know

And I Know

And I Know...

I know what you like

Everything you love

I know what you like

Everything you love....

She fiends for me nightly

She leans for me
Morning she rush for my touch

This is about LUST

Cold sweats occur when I'm not with her

My presence is a must- must- must..."

She called me today, I smiled. I told her I was thinking about her. She said she missed me. Last time we had fun, we went and danced all night. Even on her chilly nights she always warms me up. She thrills me better than anything else. I feel like she belongs to me although millions of people love her. She says don't you like how I make you feel? Don't you enjoy who you are with me? I sit quietly. I do. She lifts me up and whirls me away "come on jessie....follow me, i hold the key to your dreams". i extend my hand, she grabs it "dont worry, youre with me" she says. "explore me, touch me, seek, you never know what you will find. I know you are curious". I decide to let go, i'm free falling.....

*hits the ground*

She looks different.

Sinister. Evil.

TO BE CONTINUED...

TITLE: NONE GIVEN

My recent trip to NYC was an exhilirating and introspective one.

I discovered a lot about myself.

The city represented freedom to me. A city where people could be whoever and do whatever. I understand why a plethora of creative minds migrate there. As I rode the train I created a story as I saw these two completely different people sit next to each other. My story could be completely off but it's my story so I can do what I want with it :-)

The guy was white in his mid 20's. A student at Columbia who came from old money. He was vibrant in his Ralph Lauren preppy button down, dockers and Ferragamos. The girl was a black teenager. She was quiet and a good student but grew up in a harsh environment. The train brought these two worlds together. I never got any farther than that. I soon remembered where I was and tried to become alert. LOL.

Though I am a bit spacey at times, I actually overthink alot. Especially when it comes to my writing. Being in NYC helped my creativity flow freely.

NYC also represented oppression. If there are places that could be called "God cities" then this is definitely a "god-less" one. IDK....I was going to title this article fireflies. During the day we never notice them. To us they are just another insect invading our personal space. But at night, we not only notice them, we are somewhat in amazement. How does this creation have a natural glow? It's wired inside of them. It's inately apart of what they are. You may notice some glow brighter than others although they are all made the same. I think we are all like fireflies to be honest.

Ever notice how sometimes in the day you can see their light? Awe-inspiring.

Up In The Air

I'm finding more and more each day that true freedom is tied in with discipline. I am referring to the inner discipline of self. Everyone is disciplined to go to work, or school, or church or all of those things that we do on a consistent basis and that is definitely a form of discipline.

But how do we fight gravity?

Things that try to keep us down to earth?

Each day we deal with many different forces of life. The force to come home from a long day of work and waste the evening in front of the tv, the current that says "eat the extra slice", the frequency that makes you want to yell and shout when someone upsets you, these forces, currencies, and frequencies (in this blog) are all equivalent to gravity. Gravity is something that constantly keeps us on the ground; gravity keeps us from flying.

I don't know, I think we are actually meant to fly. Some things are just naturally suppose to hinder us but not stop us. The discipline to work out or finish a book; whether it is personal development in one way or another, they are all forms of tackling these currencies that occur every day, hour, minute and second. Personally, I want to get to a place where the ground is a distant memory.

"Gravity is working against me and gravity wants to keep me down....
Oh gravity, stay the hell away from me....
gravity has taken better men than me.....
just keep me where the light is"

John Mayer "Gravity"

"Bonafide is the Old Deal, Fake Is the New Real..."

The title of this blog is taken from the hook of the ever so talented artist Alice Smith. Perhaps, she was reading my mind when she wrote that song. Or maybe she checked out the iPOD's of millions of listeners who voices still aren't being heard. Where is the balance?

Why is the industry so overly saturated with Lil Wayne and every wanna be Lil Wayne? Why is Souljah Boy a millionaire? The combination that perplexes me the most is by far Robin Thicke and Nicki Minaj??? Really Robin Thicke??

Should there only be Adele, Amy Winehouse, and Norah Jones blasting on the radio? No, not all. But is it fair to only play Young Jeezy, Rhianna, and Drake? Oh, I forgot these artists appeal to the masses.

(Sighs deeply) OH, MEDIA.

"Full speed ahead--Rock n Roll is dead. The girls and boys from the mickey mouse club clocked it in the head. TV makes people so tired, bored like a bird on a wire. I check the pulse and I light a match then i set the tele on, i set the tele on fire."